2015!

Hello, again... To my favourite readers! 

So, the end of 2015 is upon us and I just wanted to write this Thursday's blog post about this year to be honest!

I came into 2015 having beaten cancer just a few months before for the second time after undergoing such a hard year for myself and my family. I started chemotherapy again, had an 11 hour operation then wasn't even woken up until the next day just to make sure that I was stable. I then had a stem cell harvest ready for my stem cell transplant, then had to go through an incredibly intense and strong round of chemotherapy so that it would wipe out all of my cells ready for the new healthy ones. After that came the hardest 6 and a half weeks of my 2014. I was unbelievably ill and struggled a hell of a lot. There were many times where I wanted to just give it all up and go home but deep down I knew that to get better, I had to see this gruelling time through until the end. I had my transplant over two days because I collected so many cells when I had my stem cell harvest. It was absolute agony and I was so glad when those two days were over. I never had to do it again and I was so glad about that.

My mouth got so sore from side effects of the chemotherapy to the point that I physically couldn't eat or drink for a total of 5 weeks of the 6 and a half weeks that I had to stay in hospital. I couldn't have friends in to visit me until 6 weeks in and I also couldn't even have the windows or door open, I definitely wasn't allowed to leave the room either. It was hard and I'm not even afraid to admit that. For the first time through my whole cancer battle since 2011, the strong and positive Jayde that my family and friends knew honestly got lost and I couldn't find her again. As much as I wanted to be strong, positive and think that I could get through this - I couldn't do it. I was allowed my immediate family in to visit me when I wanted meaning my mum, step dad and my younger sister & brother... But the hardest thing to deal with, I think, was that I didn't know when I was going to be going home, I wasn't given a set date. It was just about getting better first and recovering but it seemed to take so long. 

My 6 and a half week stay was over June and July. I was finally discharged from hospital on the 17th of July and I was so happy to be going home. On the 5th of August I had an MRI which was to scan and see if my tumour had shrunk any less or had even actually gone for good. On the 9th August, I got told that I had beaten cancer for the second time. I'm sure you can imagine how happy I was. 
I started to live my life, again, as a normal and healthy (to an extent) 19 year old girl thinking that my cancer had gone for good this time. 

I came into 2015 having beaten cancer for the second time and that was the most important thing for me. I've had some great times this year and some not so great. But this year has been yet again another hard year for me, just like the last few years have been to be quite truthful. I was diagnosed with the awful, life shattering and life changing, shitty disease that is cancer for the third tine. I hope with all I have that I beat this disease again for the last bloody time. I've been on two different chemotherapy's since being diagnosed in August, but one of them made me incredibly ill to the point that it put me in intensive care twice for around two weeks each time. I'm doing okay on the chemotherapy that I'm on right now and I hope that it will stay that way and will hopefully shrink my tumour. 

Its no secret to anybody that I've been through the hardest 4 years and 7 months of my life and I will never go through anything harder than this. But the most important thing to me right now is that I can inspire and help people whilst I'm on this journey, and even after. I want to help people through their own struggles and be there for them in their time of need. I know it's hard when you feel like you don't have anybody to speak to about it so you just end up bottling it up. Don't do that, its the worst thing that you could possibly do. It ends up making you feel a whole lot worse. I want you all to know that I am so willing to be the person that you come and speak to about what they are struggling with. Just comment on one of my blog posts with your Twitter username and I will message you, or even just direct message me on any of my social medias which will be linked at the bottom of this blog post. Even if it doesn't feel like it right now, things will get better for you and it won't be this hard forever. Just trust me with that. 

My YouTube channel - My first video is going up VERY SOON. Sooner than you all think and I honestly cannot wait for you all to see it. I have been so busy so I haven't been able to commit all of my time into editing it until recently which is why its taken me up until this point to have it ready but YAY! I have wanted to start my own YouTube channel for a very, very long time now so I'm so glad that I've finally been able to find the confidence to just go for it. It would mean so much to me if you could all share my link to my YouTube channel (which you can find in my Twitter and Instagram bio) with all of your friends and ask them to subscribe. Also, when my video goes up, if you could share the hell out of it and ask everybody to check it out and like it then that would mean a huge amount to me too. If you want me too, I'll reveal TONIGHT when my FIRST YouTube video is going up - Who wants that? Let me know on Twitter! (@_JaydeAllen) 

I want to thank you all for being here for me this year. The people that tweet me and direct message me on Twitter and Instagram help me so much. You lift me up when I'm feeling awful and all I have to do is read through some of your messages and it makes me feel so much better. I don't think I would be able to cope or be as strong and positive as I am half the time if it wasn't for you guys, honestly! You all mean a hell of a lot to me and I care about each and every one of you more than you know. You've all always been there for me throughout different points of my cancer journey and I can't thank you enough for always being so lovely and caring. You all show your love and support all the time, but especially at the times that you know that I need it. You are all AMAZING, never ever think anything other than that! 

So... that wraps up my last blog post of 2015! Wow... What a year its been aye!? A lot of low points but some really great things have come out of this year too. I have started my own blog which I have ALWAYS wanted to do - And I absolutely love it! I also found the courage and confidence to film and edit my first YouTube video (Which like I said, is going up SOONER THAN YOU THINK! EEEEK). As hard as my life is, starting a blog has really helped me to be honest as well as helping a lot of you guys, like you've all told me! So I'm incredibly happy that I can help you through writing a blog post a week. I'm so excited to carry on both my blog and YouTube channel in 2016. I'm going to work so hard on them, and I cannot wait! Let's do this guys - We're a team! 

Make sure that you all tweet me right after reading this blog post and let me know if you want my YouTube video to go up VERY VERY SOON! You've all got to let me know! My Twitter and Instagram are both @_JaydeAllen. 

I hope that you all have a great New Years Eve and an amazing start to your 2016. Party hard and have loads of fun, but please be safe! 

I love you all a hell of a lot.

Until next time my lovelies,
So much love, always!
Jayde x