What Are Friendships All About?

Hello guys!

I've been really thinking recently about friendships and the people that I have around me right now. Plus wracking my brains about the people that I honestly THOUGHT were my friends. Going through what I am, I obviously need my friends. I really wish things turned out differently with certain people, but hey, that's life!

Sometimes, you can think that you have 'friends for life', then realise later on that you never really did at all.
You can meet people in life and just automatically click with them. The best friendships are when you feel totally comfortable with them and you don't have to pretend to be anyone or anything that you're not. That's how it should be. I've realised that you don't need loads of friends, you just need a small group of real ones.

I truly do believe that one of the most vital things that results in actually being happy is having solid friendships. To have a handful of precious friends that you know will always be there for you, no matter what the situation is, is hugely important on both sides of the friendship.
It's things like knowing that they're at the end of the phone whenever you just need to talk (or even have a rant), to have their shoulders to cry and to be held when you're having a crap day, to have friends who would do anything just to see you smile and to also have those kind of friends that you can completely let go with and laugh uncontrollably until your cheeks, jaw and stomach hurts. I love laughing. Especially when it gets to the point where I honestly cannot stop!

I'm so happy to have the friends that I do in my life. The last few years, I have come to the harsh realisation of who is truly a friend of mine and who isn't. I don't know if its because certain people don't/didn't know how to deal with my illness or to know the right thing to say to me. But a lot of people have faded so far into the distance or have disappeared completely. I understand that this isn't an easy situation at all, I know that, but I can talk about it. The last thing that I would want is for a 'friend' to distance themselves from me just because of what I'm currently going through. This has happened many times and in actual fact, it really hurts me. I'm still the same person that I was when I didn't have cancer. I'm still able to do normal things and I can still have a laugh. You would have thought so called friends would be there for you more than ever when its a time in need of friends being around you, not with some people! It's been the people that I would have least expected to leave too, which has hurt the most. Don't expect to come back to me when it's ok by you or when you need something. That isn't how it works. You have hurt me and I sure as hell won't ever forget it, and neither will any of my REAL friends.

I value the friends that have always stuck around and always done their upmost to be there for me more than anything. They are genuinely happy for my successes and are proud of me for every little thing that I achieve. They don't ever judge me for the mistakes that I make. They make me smile with their individual traits and each of us have our own personal jokes that will never not make me laugh. They take time out of their days just to see how I am and write cute paragraphs to remind me that they are proud of me. These are just some of the reasons that I will hold on to my certain handful of friends best friends like precious little diamonds.

I believe that there comes a time in your life where you need to let go. This can be anything but right now we're talking about friendships. Let go of friends that don't push you forward and only use you for their own personal gain. Let go of friends that don't help you become a better you. Make new friendships with the kinds of people that do. You become most like the people that you surround yourself with. Are your best friends/close friends a reflection of who you would love to be yourself? I'm inspired daily by my friends!

So... School, College? The transition to adulthood is a HUGE step! I'm definitely not the same girl that I was when I left school in year 11! I left school at 15 years old. I was diagnosed with cancer at the same time as taking my GCSE's and leaving school so of course, this was a time when I really needed my friends the most... Obviously! Was this the case? Was this the time that my friends were honestly there for me? No! It was the complete opposite. This was the time where I unfortunately was faced with realising that the people that I thought would be there for me, really weren't. But that's okay. I've grown up a hell of a lot and learned not to count on people anymore. Just do you and concentrate on you. Your real friends will come along in time and it'll be at that moment that you realise that these are the friends that you've been waiting all this time for. I know I have. So I can say that I've made a whole bunch of real friends since leaving school.

Over the last few years I've made friends with people that I do consider forever friends. I think when you let yourself actually be you, you attract people that are on the same wave length as you. I really don't think that we've met by accident or coincidentally. I think we crossed on the same path for a reason, because we need each other. It's as simple as that.

Don't be scared to drop friends who don't support your choices that you make. Drop the people who only text or call you because they want something or who expect you to do things for them yet when it comes to you needing a friend, they can't seem to find the time for you. Drop those friends of yours that are blatantly using you. Do you need these people in your life? I think not. They are only bound to bring you down.

It is so important to take time to actually LISTEN to your friends. Sometimes people are so wrapped up in themselves and are too into what they're going to tell you next about their lives or too interested in what they're going to ask from you next, that they forget that they're hardly listening to you. You may actually need a friend to talk to but they don't even realise because they are way too interested in themselves. I've been through this with people definitely more than my fair share. Remember that its not always about you! Try letting go of your own issues and emotions just for a little while and truly be there for a friend that may be in need of being listened too. Absorb the things that they say, be there for them and help if you can. It's more than likely that a rant to a friend will really help them!

Appreciate your friends every single minute of every day. Send them little messages out of the blue containing words personalised to them that are going to make them feel special. Send them a quote and let them know that it reminds you of them. Take a funny photo that you know will make them smile/laugh and send it to them. Cheer them up if you know that they are having a rough day. My friends and I always do things along these lines and I wouldn't change any of my true friends for the world.

Myself and my friends tell each other everything. Our deepest concerns, struggles and our every feeling, even if we're ashamed of them and would rather lock them in a box and throw them into a never ending well. My best friends know every little detail of my illness and everything that is said during hospital appointments.
I cannot even explain how much of a weight it is lifted off of my shoulders to know that I can speak to them about anything. I also can't tell you how much it helps your life to be able to share how you are feeling without feeling like you're going to be judged on anything that you tell them. REAL friends are so important, honestly. Mine are forever keeping me sane!

If you're sitting there thinking to yourself whilst reading this post and you don't think that you have friends like I've explained yet, that's okay too! Not everybody will have come across someone or a group of people that they know that they can call true friends. It doesn't matter what age you find them, just know that you will. When you do come across these people, you will know. You will know that these are your real friends. You'll know that these are the friends that you're going to grow older with. Wiser. You'll watch them settle down and start families. They'll be the ones that you imagine turning grey with. Wheelchair racing because your legs aren't as young as they used to be. The type of friends that you'll sit next to in a nursing home and speak of all of the things that you done together when you were younger and all of the memories. The friends that you'll look at whilst bursting with proudness at everything that they have achieved in their lifetime.

The people you'll be proud to look at and say, "They are my best friends".
When you find them, you will know. I can guarantee it.

As you should know by now, I love a good quote! Which means I'm going to end this post by leaving you with two.

This first one definitely speaks volumes with everything that is going on in my life right now.
"Friendship is not about who you've known the longest. It's about who walked into your life, said 'I'm here for you' and proved it."

This next quote is one by Bob Marley and I think this quote of his really emphasises what friendship is all about.
"You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you things about yourself that make you special or even beautiful. There is ever any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are... You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life." - Bob Marley.
I hope you enjoyed this post, I also hope that it makes you realise a few things! I DID want this to be a shorter post but I got way too into it. I definitely got a lot off of my chest, haha!
Let me know what you think by leaving a comment on this post or tweeting me at @_JaydeAllen.

Until next time my lovelies
So much love, always!
Jayde x