It's Thursday, which means that it is blog post day... Again!
In my last post I explained that I have been feeling quite down recently and I got amazing amounts of love following me uploading that post, so thank you for that. You all never fail to make me smile or push me forward to carry on.
I am always getting direct messages on Twitter or inboxes on Facebook from different people explaining that my blog posts or my positive tweets help them so much and it makes me so happy to know that me writing a blog post on a different topic each week is helping some of you to face the things that you're going through or struggling with, becoming more positive or helping yourself to become happier etc etc. I've always wanted to help and inspire people, so to be told that you're doing just that 'every day' (in their words) from going through what I am or just by writing these blog posts means so, so much.
I have been asked since I started this blog, A Little Touch Of Hope, to write about having a fear of anything hospital related and to write about if I have any fears when it comes down to going to hospital. So, here we go!
Fears are a very normal part of life. Having a fear of hospital's or anything hospital related such as having a fear of under going operations or having a surgical procedure, having hospital appointments or even just having a fear of taking your medication can be extremely difficult to deal with and you can also sometimes struggle to understand WHY exactly it is that you're scared. I know that just from experience.
These fears that I have listed are all very common things that people can get anxious about. There are many other types of things to do with hospitals that people afraid about and people most definitely shouldn't be ashamed of that. In actual fact, some people get SO scared that these fears unfortunately turn into phobias.
Nosocomephobia is the name of a phobia relating to having an extreme fear of hospitals. One of the main reasons that people could develop fears of hospitals is because you can quite often feel out of control and it can be hard to deal with having your life in the hands of the doctors and nurses. Other people could also have an overwhelming fear of hospital because it could remind them of something awful happening to them previously within a hospital atmosphere, such as losing a family member or friend due to death. Or, even having an illness themselves in their younger years and being admitted to hospital, they may lock away these fears and terrors. This could make such an impact on their lives & extremely frighten them and the fear may build up more and more every time that they've had to visit a hospital. Just remember though, these are just feelings.
Hospital's can be really scary places. Whether it be because you've had to be rushed into hospital for an emergency, having to under-go an operation, going through pain, needing to stay in hospital overnight, having an important appointment that could potentially change your life, for a scan, treatment of some kind or even if its just because you have a fear of needles or blood etc. There are many types of things (even more than I've mentioned) that are related to hospitals that somebody could be scared of and, like I said before, you should never be ashamed of that.
Nobody really knows what I'm about to tell you all apart from my family or one of my best friends, Rhiannon. Once I went into remission for the first time in July 2012 after being diagnosed with cancer at the very young age of 15 the year before, in May 2011, I was having MRI scans every two months at first then over time this went up to every three months. This was to check that I was still in remission and there was no growth of cancer again. At this point, I was absolutely fine with having these scans done. Although the noise of the scanner was awfully loud, they would put music on for me through big headphones and it would be over and done with within around 40-45 minutes. That was until the beginning of last year (2014), I had an MRI scan done in Brighton hospital which was scanning my chest area, my pelvis and my leg. This scan took around an hour and 45 minutes which is a long time to be stuck in a loud scanner unable to move. I felt so trapped but I also didn't want to stop the scan as I knew that they still needed to scan me and if I had stopped it, I would have needed to have got back in it anyway! I ended up having a full blown panic attack. I couldn't stop crying, I was shaking, sweating and I felt like I was going to either be sick or pass out at any minute. Just as I needed them to tell me, they told me through my headphones that my scan was finished and they were coming into the room to get me out. I was absolutely traumatised and I told myself, and my mum, that I was never going to be having an MRI scan again.
Of course, I had to though because it was the only way to get accurate information as to whether my cancer was still in remission. Although it was hard not getting extremely anxious before each scan, because these scans were at the Royal Marsden (They always seemed to be quicker) and because they were scanning my chest, it was over with quite quickly so I was able to stay calm enough to stay still for this time. I found out a technique to control my breathing which helped a huge amount, I will explain this further down in this blog post.
That was until I had my scan in July this year, I couldn't control how anxious I was, my breathing technique wasn't helping at all and I had never been as scared as I was to have a scan again. I had a panic attack whilst I was waiting to go in to my scan, a panic attack whilst I was HAVING the scan and also one when I came out. This was honestly the worst thing that I had experienced just because of how scared I was. At many times, I felt like I was going to pass out and stop breathing, and that isn't exaggerating it. Panic attacks are awful and I truly feel for anybody that has to go through them.
Unfortunately this was the scan that showed us that my cancer had returned for a third time. Thankfully, I haven't had any MRI's since the one in July as I have been having PET scans which are a lot more open and aren't noisy!
Remember, this is all temporary and it is possible to be able to get over your fears.
Be positive!
These are a few of the things that have helped me whether its been for trying to keep my anxiety under control before having an MRI scan or an important appointment with my consultant.
Breathing techniques:
This is going to be strange to explain but if it can help somebody that suffers with anxiety and panic attacks then it'll definitely be worth it!
I use my leg or a chair etc to trace out a square with my finger. Start the square at an a bigger size then with every square that you complete, make the next square smaller and so on.
Breathe in deeply when tracing down the left hand side of the square, breathe out whilst going along the bottom of the square. Then breathe in again when going up the right hand side of the square and then finally breathe out when tracing along the top. Keep going with the following steps until you have your breathing under control.
I have used this many times and it really does help! Just give it time.
I have also recently been sent a link of another breathing technique which I have been using recently and it has actually really helped me out when I've been in difficult situations or haven't necessarily been able to do the breathing technique due to being in public or walking to places etc. Just save this in the notes on your phone and use it when needed. Check it out here: https://twitter.com/reIatabIe/status/665623346151825408
Support:
It helps a huge amount to be understood and supported by your family. Luckily, my mum comes to every hospital appointment with me and has always been there when I've been having a panic attack before an MRI scan. She always stays calm herself (even if she's nervous) and explained/explains to me that although she knows I'm worried about the appointment (Or MRI) she's going to be right beside me and it's going to be ok. It's really comforting to have a family member or a close friend with you when struggling yourself, so always try and make sure that somebody is with you for whatever the reason is that you're having to go to hospital, especially if you have a fear of them.
Whilst waiting in a waiting room for your appointment... If it is the waiting that makes you anxious then try distracting yourself by reading, listening to music, writing or entertaining yourself in a different way that keeps you calm.
As you all know, I'm a massive believer in positivity and how much it really does help you. Positivity about certain situations that you're in will help you out a huge amount. I don't think people realise how much it can just get you through the day. I've mentioned in a previous blog post but I really don't think that I would have got through cancer twice before if it wasn't for me being positive all throughout my battles. Positivity is key, and I truly believe that whole heartedly. Along with believing in yourself.
Again, I hope you have enjoyed this blog post and that it can hopefully help even just one of you. I have been asked to write a post like this for a while so I hope that it was worth the wait! Let me know what you think by either leaving a comment below or tweeting me (@_JaydeAllen)
You can also follow me on Instagram with the same username as my Twitter!
"If you don't even try to have a little self belief, how can you expect it from others? Positive thinking, always."
Until next time my lovelies
So much love, always!
Jayde x
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